Most stories begin with Once upon a time… as does mine. For once upon a time I was a young impressionable girl. I tried my best to be what everyone thought I should be: beautiful, thin, talented, obedient, faithful, patient, and happy. For the most part I succeeded and was happy in doing so. I did not see any wrong in things that were happening around me or in things I was taught. It was just the way things were and I was taught not to question. I was raised in the LDS church, dreamed of someday serving a mission, and wholeheartedly accepted all I was taught. I was given many opportunities to excel: when I asked I was given my own gardens to plant and care for, shown how to sew and then allowed to make my own patterns (and mistakes), helped my dad with his projects, given cameras to develop my passion for photography, allowed to have a few pets and eventually even allowed to buy a dog and bring animals home from the pet store I worked at for so long (as long as they were returned:) ). My childhood was generally happy and although not perfect I was glad to have a good family to share it with.
As I entered adulthood I moved to Provo, UT to go to college. Although my intentions were good I didn’t do much “college” but loved the freedoms I was suddenly allowed. I was enrolled in UVSC and had an apartment with 5 other girls, some enrolled in BYU. We had a lot of fun and I gained some close friends while there. This is where I started to see some things that I didn’t agree with. I didn’t like how controlling BYU was, I felt their restrictions didn’t allow “adults” to act as such and I hated that they enforced such stringent rules. I also dated a handful of returned missionaries and some who chose not to serve missions and found I was generally treated with more respect by the guys who didn’t go on missions. I learned that things I was taught to be true weren’t taught to others and often stories didn’t “mesh”. However, as a stalwart young woman I didn’t focus much attention to these things and filed them away in the back of my mind as I was taught to. I remembered the many lessons from church, seminary, and home that taught me to only look to things that were faith promoting and that we’ll find out the rest “in due course”. So I didn’t question, I just kept trying to hold to the iron rod.
My courtship with Davin is another tale; however, it is vital to my story. He and I met when I was 14, I dated some of his friends and ended up engaged to one (thankfully me slapping him was all it took for him to call that off!). Davin and I kissed the first time as juniors, which ended badly with hurt feelings and an embargo on our friendship for two years. Thankfully there is a fine line between love and hate and eventually we found our way back to each other (thanks babe for being persistent!). I struggled with my feelings for Davin because I had always planned to go on a mission and I knew he wasn’t the “Peter Priesthood” type that I was looking for. However, I couldn’t deny my feelings for him, I loved him with all my heart and soul and I knew it was the real love that lasts beyond a lifetime. He knew I expected to marry in the LDS temple and although it broke his heart that his mom couldn’t be there he agreed. We were married in the bountiful temple, with my family inside and his waiting outside (something we both regret to this day). The wedding was awkward at best; he seeing me in my dress for the first time with all the extra garb was heartbreaking. No one warned me and I was taken aback. This was not how I had dreamt my wedding would be! No isle, no “I dos”, no Maid of Honor, no flower girl, not even a decent entrance! But there was one thing, Davin, staring at me with all the love he had, barely blinking, and the thought that if I could be with him forever it would all be worth it. The reception was a nightmare and in general I have never been so disappointed with people I should have been able to depend on. It was all worth it, though, as I got to marry the man of my dreams and slept in his arms that night filled with all the love we shared and our bright future ahead.
Two houses and two children later we started on a journey very different than I would have ever imagined… the journey that led us out of the church.
To be continued…
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