Ok, so there are a few things that I need to clarify. First, I have always loved Davin for who he is. I love him for his character, his strength, his willpower, and his courage. Davin has never tried to fit a mold that others created for him. He has always been an individual. I learned this early on while trying to choose paint colors for our house weeks into our marriage. I wanted to paint two rooms with an adjoining wall blue and yellow… he thought it would look like a nursery and “vetoed” my plans. I was in shock! In my world men weren’t supposed to have decorating opinions and were supposed to say “Yes dear, whatever you think.” I genuinely thought our marriage was headed for disaster, thankfully we made it through and I pulled my head out. This silly event (to this day one of our biggest fights) taught me that Davin wasn’t going to be a pushover, that he wasn’t afraid to point out what he thought was wrong or stupid, and that he wasn’t afraid to challenge tradition. Funny I got all that out of paint but it was a learning experience I’ll never forget. …Turns out he just thought he needed to stand his ground on something early so as to set the tone for our marriage as one of equality. He now lets me paint the walls whatever color I choose and I still give him the opportunity to veto my ideas.
Davin and I have a very open relationship and have always had great communication starting well before we were engaged. We could talk about virtually every subject except religion. We were raised very differently; I was raised in a very strict LDS home, attended seminary, encouraged to have “good LDS” friends, went to church every week, rigidly obeyed the Sabbath, etc. Davin was raised in a different environment with a good Mom that made a deal with her sons that if they’d go to church with her they could get ice cream after, who taught her boys to do what is right because it’s right, that family is first no matter what, and a dad who told Davin he would rather Davin die than serve a mission. So we obliviously had different expectations. Some of mine were very rigid and frankly set Davin up for failure; when it came to religion there was no way he could have completely made me happy. So, religion was always kind of a taboo subject in our marriage. We would sometimes breach it but often ended up feeling frustrated and misunderstood. In general we tried to do what we thought was right and did our best to find that middle ground. We did read the BOM together, did FHE, and occasionally attended the temple. But there was always that “eggshell” feeling and underlying disappointment.
One Sunday two years ago we were substituting a CTR 6 class and teaching them about Joseph Smith translating the bible and other scripture. Davin and I always had a deal, if he would help me sub I’d prepare the lesson and he’d read one of the stories and run interference with the 11+ kids in the class. First we taught about Joseph translating the bible, which was old news even to the 6 year olds. Then the Book of Abraham comes in and the manual tells this story:
“In the late 1820s an Italian explorer named Antonio Lebolo obtained eleven mummies from an ancient tomb in Egypt. When Lebolo died the mummies were shipped to the United States. A man named Michael Chandler came into possession of the mummies in 1833. He opened the coffins (the boxes the mummies were in) and was disappointed not to find jewels or valuable treasures. Attached to some of the bodies of the mummies were linen cloths containing rolls of papyrus, a type of paper made from plants. These papyrus rolls had Egyptian writing on them. Mr. Chandler took the rolls to Pennsylvania, where he tried to find some educated men to tell him about the writings, but even the most educated of these men were only able to understand a little of the writings.
Mr. Chandler decided to travel around the country showing people the mummies, and in the summer of 1835 he came to Kirtland, Ohio. There he met with Joseph Smith, who told him that the writings could be interpreted. Later some friends of the Prophet bought four mummies and the rolls of papyrus from Mr. Chandler. Joseph Smith studied the letters and grammar of the Egyptian language, and then, with the help of the Holy Ghost, he translated the writings on the papyrus rolls. The writings Joseph Smith translated tell about the ancient prophet Abraham and are now published as the book of Abraham in the Pearl of Great Price.” (Quoted from Primary 5 manual)
After reading this story Davin looked at me questioningly and mouthed “really?” I shook my head yes and continued teaching. This single lesson opened a Pandora’s Box.
Once we got home Davin couldn’t stop thinking about it “Why haven’t I heard this before? How could I know so little about my own religion? What else don’t I know that I should?” So, Davin did what comes natural to him – he did some research.
At the same time I had a friend confide in me that her mom had been having some struggles. That she had recently heard Joseph Smith was a polygamist and that there were a lot of other things that he did that she was struggling with. Then another one of our friends decided to share that he had been struggling with the church, that he found out some unsavory things about his dad (who held a distinctive position in the church) and wasn’t punished at all for some transgressions that would have had a “traditional” member disfellowshipped or excommunicated. It seemed like everywhere we turned there was something else.
My mind was reeling with all this new information, it seemed like daily there was some new dirt on the church from a new source and I wasn’t ready to face it. But, I decided to talk to Davin (who was still doing research with some alarming results). We sat down and I told him that if the church wasn’t true, fine, let’s find out together. He looked surprised; it had never occurred to him that it might not be true! We had always been taught that the gospel is perfect but that because it is run by man it is made imperfect. Could it possibly be that the problem could reside in the gospel itself? Crap, there I go opening another door! So we started reading “No Man Knows My History” by Fawn Brodie (a biography on Joseph Smith). I didn’t like how it sounded and was feeling overwhelmed by it all so I stopped and told Davin I didn’t want him to read it either. He consented but continued to research in his spare time. I decided to just ignore it and told Davin if he had questions to please talk to me about them but to please avoid any anti Mormon sites, to read his scriptures more, and to pray more. That is what the church teaches, so it must work. I didn’t even consider that those generic answers were designed to keep people from finding answers to questions that thousands have asked before.
At this time we were hoping to get pregnant. I was wondering if our marriage would last and couldn’t help but wonder if getting pregnant in such a turbulent time for us was a good idea. What if Davin couldn’t bless the baby? What if I needed a priesthood blessing and he couldn’t deliver? What if this ultimately drove us apart – could I really support three kids? How would we raise our children in a faithless home? I knew that religion and money were the two major factors that cause divorce and I was terrified.
Dun, dun, dun.....
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